Bad Body Doubles

Sometimes, I really love history. But as both my mother and my high-school AP World History teacher know
...only sometimes.

Traveling to Xi’an, China was just one of those times.

   

       Xi-an is the land of the Terra-Cotta Warriors. Up until I actually went to Xi’an, that’s all I really knew about this historic interurban. But this place rules. I mean, this place still has a city wall that was engineered by Emperor Qin Shi Huang in 259 BC. Emperor Qin was the pioneer Emperor of China, beginning his rule at the age of twenty-two until he died at fifty-five (…he would throw back Mercury on the daily, knowing it is would make him live longer... well surprise surprise, it killed him. He's an idiot.) But! He must have done something right because he basically birthed China like a parent. And when I say "something right" I actually mean he just declared war on his own country to promote a unified country-loyalty. Like I said, he’s an idiot. But who’s being harsh here? Not me. He is entombed in a mini-mountain that took over three decades to build - for those of you who know Montpellier, Idaho… it just looks like a copy-cat ‘M’ hill. 2.6 kilometers from his tomb lay the Terra-Cotta Warriors. (Which by the way, Terra-Cotta is actually the material they are made of... I always assumed it was the name of some antediluvian army. I was wrong; I’m also an idiot.) 

       These warriors were unearthed in 1960 by a farmer who was digging a well in his backyard. & they are basically just thousands of life-size clay warriors of varying heights, weights, and heart-rates all facing away from Emperor Qin's tomb as if they are protecting him from the evil spirits of the underworld? Emperor Qin actually had replicas of all his real-life soldiers carved out of Terra-Cotta - from the nose to the eyes to the finger nail lengths, these warriors were a perfect copy; each individualized. But… what I never realized… these ancient soldiers would never get to see their stone look-alikes because the emperor would kill them immediately after the statue was carved! So that "their spirits would guard his tomb!" And what's worse?! Each warrior would John Hancock the back left shoulder of his deposit double as a "final goodbye" kind of thing. Crazy, huh?! So every statue I saw was an actual person once upon a time... who was morbidly murdered. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s creepier than a graveyard. Just over eight-thousand statues are open to the elements… but there are probably thousands more all surrounding the emperor's tomb. I mean... Emperor Qin... the guy can't get any more selfish. Right?! And I just can't get over the idea of a man who spent three decades building his own tomb, that’s all.  

Well, there is your history lesson for the day – you can skip class tomorrow. On me. 

p.s. - whoever knows what the title of this post is from... wins my heart