The Rule of The Sock

I’m weird. I like weird things. I dislike even weirder things.

One of these things is… you guessed it, socks.

You can often hear me say, “He’s cute, but wears really bad socks”

One of the first things I look at in a boy is his shoe/sock combination.

I’m picky about my socks, okay?

I like boys with good Sock Style.

I am constantly getting questions on my Sock Rules.  

So to all you creepily curious out there… here.

#1) The No-Show Sock

This one is complicated. If you have really big feet—so big that these No-Show Socks are stretched to hardly grasp the curve of your ankle—don’t. You must see just a bit of that white cotton comfort when fashioning the No-Shows. Because if you can’t see the sock just a little—the pessimist in me says you aren’t wearing any socks at all.  

White No-Shows are best with sneakers.

Black No-Shows are best with vans, Cole Haans, or maybe even a nice pair of SeaVees.

But both can be interchanged and I’ll be okay.

But be cautious... too small of a No-Show can be a tweeny bit effeminate and can quickly turn into a "Dainty Sock". Men should never be dainty.  

#2) The Ankle Sock

No, stop. Please. Just No. Never. Never okay. Ever. Even if you wear jeans to cover them up. I never want to see your Hanes or Fruit of the Loom logo lightly resting above your calcaneus.

I don’t care that they have a “superior fit” or “extra double cushioning”. I mean… double extra? Really? Hi, you must also be a computer science major and wear New Balance sneaks. These socks make any shoe look tacky, cheap, and lame.

Be better than the Ankle Sock.  

#3) The Crew Sock

Typically okay. Either in black or white. With most shoes. I might title you a sucker… maybe even a “bro”. But that’s okay, because if you wear the Crew Sock, you probably are both a sucker and a bro. And you're probably okay with that. & So am I. 

This is the one sock that is okay with the Rebok Black Slide Sandal (you totally know the ones I’m talking about). So to all you avid gym goers out there, yes, it is okay to put these on after a meaty, manly work out.

#4) The Hole-y Sock 

I'm not even going to go there. Or show a picture. 

That's gross and you know better. 

#5) The Patterned Sock

Always okay.

I like my classy with a little bit of tacky.

goofy men in goofy ankle attire is always a glossy combination. 

And yes, I realize this makes me slightly shallow. But...

Everyone has their quirks. 

And this is just mine. 

So get over yourself.